Road to PhD — Day #1,423: The Final Test — Jedi Trial
“[As you finish your time as a student], you will forever look back on this day as one of great joy, but also one of great sorrow. It will help you to remember that, in life, the two are often closely linked.”
― Jedi Master Valenthyne Farfalla, Darth Bane: Rule of Two -
Day #1,423 (24 February 2023)
Dear readers,
It has been a few weeks since I returned from Planet Dunedin, back to the safe confine of my home planet in Bekasi. No, my journey to attain the rank of Jedi Knight (read: PhD) is not over just yet. With my Padawan thesis submitted since the end of November last year, it means there is only the final test, the Jedi Trial, a.k.a. oral examination that I need to go through. It will be held on Monday morning, 27 February 2023.
I have been in touch with my two superbly patient and kind supervisors, Master Kenobi and Master Yoda over the hologram (read: Zoom). Somehow, my masters always sense my fear, no matter how hard I try to conceal it.
“You seem distressed, Padawan. Are you alright?” Master Kenobi asked.
“I…I guess I am, Master,” I answered meekly.
Master Yoda smiled gently. “Afraid of the final test, are you not?”
“Why, yes, Master. This final test…this trial…All trainings that I have done for the past 3.5 years under your supervision, it all comes to this. What if I screwed up? What if I got nervous and forgot my answers? What if…”
Master Yoda slowly raised his hand. I stopped my rambling in an instant.
“Breathe, Padawan. Slowly. In and out. Just like we always do in our meditation,” Master Yoda said. “Now tell me, do you think you ever “screwed up” during your presentation at the Jedi Temple (read: our university department)? Or during any conferences that you have ever attended?”
“N…No, Master. I don’t think I have, which is I am always grateful for,” I replied.
“Were you also afraid before any of those events?”
“Yes, Master. I was”
“And do you think what you were afraid of actually happened during those events?”
“No, Master. Not at all. I think they all went relatively fine”
“Then I — who have been training Padawans for many years — believe this time will be no different,” Master Yoda smiled.
Master Kenobi then asked, “Padawan, do you remember what Master Qui-Gon Jinn said about our focus?”
“Yes, Master. He said, ‘Your focus determines your reality’ “
“Now try to remember, what did you focus on before any of those events that Master Yoda mentioned?”
Reaching out to the Force, I tried to recall those memories. Some of them happened a few years ago. “I think…I think I focused on the things that I wanted to do AFTER those events. I believed that my preparation and my rather limited skills would be enough to get me through, so I did not think about the events too much back then”
“Exactly. Your thoughts did not dwell on your fear of failures. You believed in your skills, in your training, and more importantly, you believed you will succeed, which you did. You chose to focus on the things that you would do afterwards, which means you did not give any chance for your fear to creep back in.”
“I think I understand now, Master,” I replied with a sigh of relief. “But Master, the report and suggested revisions that I received from one of the Jedi examiners is rather long. I can’t help but feeling nervous about it”
“Padawan, we chose those examiners not only because they are the experts, but also because they can get the best out of you,” Master Yoda explained. “Yes, I agree. Some of them take their job more seriously than others. But they did not do that to fail you. On the contrary, they want you to succeed with the best version of your dissertation”
“I agree with Master Yoda,” Master Kenobi added. “Besides, we have been guiding you for years, Padawan. We know what you can handle, and we believe that you can handle the questions from these examiners successfully. Just remember to put your focus on the right place. We have faith in you and your abilities.”
“Thank you, Master Kenobi. Thank you, Master Yoda,” I replied, this time with a smile. “I will do my best. If you two believe in me, then I have no reason to doubt myself”
Wish me luck, dear readers! And see you on the next (possibly last) chapter of my PhD journey! :)
